1. Keep the children out of it. Divorce can be especially difficult when children are involved and emotions can run high. However, including children in the friction could be a potentially damaging move and one that could affect them long term. Furthermore, using the children to make threats against your partner or emotionally goad them would be a mistake. If you are on the receiving end of such threats, it is advised to not respond in the same way. If you have been a good and loving parent it is very likely to come out and being denied access to your children would be an unlikely outcome. Children can often feel like the reason for a break-up so it is in the best interest of the parents to make them still feel loved and not use them as a weapon against the other. Divorce proceedings are not only stressful for the couple but it can be incredibly distressing for the children and something that can end leaving a lasting impression on their lives.


  1. Listen to your lawyer/solicitor. It is an ordinary reaction to turn to friends and family for advice when going through a divorce but it is not recommended to take their word over your representative. You have employed their professional services, therefore, listen to what they have to say. Friends and family form a very important support network that is crucial when getting through a divorce. But remember, the decisions you make will have a lasting effect on you and not them so think carefully when seeking non-professional opinion. Even though they may have good intentions, it is your future and not theirs. Furthermore, it is easy to be influenced by others who have experienced divorce and seeking a similar outcome to theirs is not suggested since every case is different, not forgetting that the law is changing.


  1. Try to discuss the divorce with your former partner. Keeping communications open between you and your ex-partner can be incredibly helpful. Obviously, if there has been any violence or abuse it is essential to stay away from that person but otherwise it can benefit divorce proceedings if contact is maintained. This is especially advised when children are involved as both parties will have to learn to communicate afterwards anyway when dealing with their children. Furthermore, a lack of conversation can only prolong the legal process meaning the legal costs will rise and the divorce will become even more expensive. By adopting a co-operative demeanour, both parties can avoid an expensive and damaging divorce, though it may be painful to do, it will be worth it in the long term.


  1. Consider how you will communicate with your lawyer/solicitor. The solicitor will charge you for the time spent on your case therefore it is essential that you work out an appropriate form of communication or it could end up contributing unnecessary costs to your final bill. Spending long periods of time on the phone to your lawyer/solicitor can be a major factor in the amount you end up spending on the legal process. If you can say what you need in a far simpler form such as an email then for the sake of cost you should. It can be tempting to sit on the telephone and rant to your lawyer/solicitor but as long as you are prepared and concise in your conversation then you can end up saving yourself a lot of money. Approaching your lawyer/solicitor with prepared documents is extremely helpful as it allows them to provide better advice. Documents such as bank statements, mortgage balances and tax returns allow your representative to make a far more informed decision about what advice to give you.


  1. Remain calm and don’t become irrational. Divorces certainly make emotions run high and acting on those emotions can lead to poor decision making. It is completely expected to be emotional during the process of a divorce but the important thing to do is to not allow it boil up and affect the decision making process. Furthermore, remember that your lawyer is not your counsellor, though they may provide emotional support it can become very costly to spend time discussing emotional problems with your representative. If the break up has been especially unpleasant then it is tempting to put your ex through a lot of grief to make them suffer, but this approach can end up being very expensive and stressful for both parties. Ultimately, you must consider if you are acting for the right reasons and not just giving an emotional response. If both parties act on emotion, the divorce process can quickly become a painful and expensive one so ensure that you are acting logically.


  1. There may be a time when you need to seek support. A divorce can potentially be an extremely difficult process and there may be a point when you need to seek further support. A lawyer can provide some support but it is not advised to rely on your representative as providing emotional support as it is not their job and it could end up costing you more money. Therefore, it makes more sense to take other steps to get the support you need. The obvious choice would be to turn to friends and family members. For many people this is enough support to make it through the divorce proceedings at this stage. However, for some this is simply not enough and some further help may be needed. A divorce can take an incredibly toll on your mental state and therefore it should not be frowned upon to consider seeking professional help from a therapist. Realising that you require this sort of assistance is the first step and one should not feel defeated by seeking this help, it can the process easier and allow you emotionally come to terms with what is happening. Furthermore, with the task of transitioning into your new life, professional help can also help with this process, giving you a good start to this new chapter in your life.


  1. Inform your lawyer what you want out of the divorce. Before approaching your lawyer, it is essential that you know roughly what you want to gain from the divorce. Coming prepared to the first meeting with your lawyer knowing exactly what you want from it will be very helpful for your representative. However, one must be realistic going into the divorce and courts will aim to be as fair as possible unless there is an argument to act otherwise. In most circumstances there are many different factors to be considered such as finances, a house and children. The court is very unlikely to concern itself with why the marriage ended and if children are involved, they will attempt to act in their interests most of all. Don’t think that the court is going to take the side of one individual and give very little to the other, the court will seek to provide each individual with what they need to sustain themselves. Nonetheless, come prepared with what you want to gain from the divorce so that your lawyer understands your position, leaving little space for confusion. Ensure that, even though you may feel emotional towards your partner, your demands are not unreasonable.


  1. Be willing to compromise. A divorce is all about compromising. It is essential that you enter the divorce proceedings knowing what you want to get out of it but you must be willing to compromise. The court aims to be fair to both parties and since there may be a conflict of interests it is likely that compromise will have to be achieved. Finances along with many other things will now have to be shared with emotions expected to run high so managing to come to compromise will allow for a smoother process.


  1. Seek advice early on. Keeping an open communication with your ex can be a positive way of approaching a divorce but it is essential that you understand what your rights are before you embark on negotiations with your previous partner. Seeking advice from a legal representative early on can provide a significant insight into what you are entitled to, therefore avoiding the potential of losing out on anything.



  1. Choose the right lawyer. When preparing to go through a divorce, you understand the sort of person your ex-partner is and the type of divorce it is likely to be e.g. smooth or drawn out. Therefore, if your ex-partner has their eyes set on drawing the procedure out and having an intense battle don’t hire a lawyer that is soft and not capable of taking that on. Hire a lawyer who is a specialist in the type of divorce you need, don’t just go off recommendations of friends. Do plenty of research because if you do find the right lawyer it will do wonders for your case.